if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
