Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
