Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
