Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
