I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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