I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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