Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
