mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
