she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
