I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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