Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
