The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
