I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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