It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
