making cat noises will not fix the situation.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
