I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
