watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
