I could have mohawked her pubes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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