There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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