i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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