Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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