just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
