Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
