Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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