don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a search helicopter?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
