I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I want is dick and wine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
