and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
