OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
