I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
