I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
