So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
