we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
