this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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