Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
