I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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