he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
