omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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