I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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