Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it glows. i had to have it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize