I wish i was in the wii world.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
