Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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