I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
