Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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