So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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