I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
