Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
