Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
