Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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