Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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