Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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