Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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