I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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