she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
