I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
