i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
