using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
