so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
