I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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