i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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