Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
