I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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