I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
