did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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