Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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