I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
