Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
