just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
