I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize