Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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