Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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