dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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